On going home

I sit drinking my tea looking out the window taking in another grey and damp morning in London. This morning is not like any other drizzly cool days because today I am going home.

I remember my last blog before I left for Zambia. Giant butterflies rallied inside my body and the multiplying unknown was looming over my head suffocating my peace, waiting for me to jump into the river of change. What a wild ride it has been. There were times I was carried along serenely, at times I was thrown against the jagged rocks, there were times of stagnation and times of tumultuous speed. I felt extreme loneliness, and claustrophobia that is brought on when you are days and oceans apart from everything you call home. Knowing that you are all you have is a very empowering experience. Getting through periods of great heartache is how you learn endurance. Over coming feelings of boredom and finding ways to be happy is the path to contentment.

I have learned patience beyond my wildest dreams, I have witnessed death and poverty beyond my wildest night mares, and I have experienced love far beyond my greatest expectations of the definition of the word.

Life is not easy. There are difficulties all along the way and we should not avoid them or ignore them. As the rock is smoothed by being tossed around by the ocean, we too are refined by the rolling of the waves. Have faith in the process. Have faith in yourself, of course faith falters but the people in your life will help you regain your courage and then you will help others find their strength and sparkle.

I have loved this time of my life. It was a beautiful experience and one full of ups and downs, moving forward and regressing...then center.

We are all moving forward, never forget that. We are the individual threads of the tapestry, hold on to the bigger picture. Fill your life with experience and self awareness, learn about art and biology. Star gaze and dream of adventure. Be open, be present, be lucky!

The end of a spectacular chapter, now on to a greater one...I must get ready now, I've got a plane to catch.

closing the chapter..

off and on sort of weather today
off and on sort of life id say.
maybe we can get back on track,
forgetting anything that we may lack.

so many inspirations today,
so many reasons why,
its so strange that as i look around
i can only think to cry.


i wonder where this day has come from,
i wonder where it will go..
i've been searching high and low,
for meaning to add to anything...
for feelings of realness to grow.

i see you all so busy
with fear upon your face,
did you ever think to stop and breath,
you know, this life is not a race...

i will hold on to this day
so soon the night sets in,
and with it arrives the saddest of goodbyes,
because here i cannot stay.

Deutschland

Deutschland

Beautiful buildings towering above the earth, fresh baked breads and cheese, coffee and cappuccinos, sausages and schnitzels. Great cathedrals amaze people with the complexity and ingenuity of their design and sheer size. Museums of art and history enriching minds every minute. Languages charging the air with a detectable romance that keeps your fingers and toes warm even though you are freezing.

A quite suburb of Dolston surrounded by forests and farms was where I spent 2 serene nights in Germany. The cold crisp air painted everyone’s faces rose and packed delicious smelling cafes full. Strolling around the stone streets in and out of shops watching all of the lovely looking people enjoying the same day I was. Laughter molecules must have been floating in the air resulting in infectious smiling and giggling. German beer and wine flowing like the river Nile through each and every restaurant and shop; a magnitude of people coming and going, shopping and eating, living and loving.

My mind always drifted back to my people in Africa. Here I am bundled up in Germany enjoying coffee and brie amongst thousands of people consuming cloths, shoes, jewelery and whatnot, and as I took it all in I just wondered if they ever thought of the people who are living in shanty towns dying of starvation. I wondered if they knew children run around naked and dirty, parent less and alone. I wondered if they cared to know.

We consume incredible amounts each and every day mindlessly, but I believe it worst to be mindless with our thoughts and our actions. If everyone knew how much we wasted and how that money could change lives in developing worlds, would anything change? I am not sure.

There is nothing wrong with wanting, if we never wanted we would never be motivated to act, but when the origins of desires are born in the house of gluttony we will never move forward and out of the basements of our resting potential. Try to be aware of yourself, know yourself, and most importantly love yourself; only then can you understand the duality of existence, the dark and the light, the tempest and tame. I do not think it is possible to comprehend the scope of inhabitants on this earth if you cannot grasp your own self on this earth. There is a quote in the bible that reads as follows;

Do not pull the splinter from my eye until you remove the plank from your own.

Remove the obstacles from your path and see that the fierce army you saw in the distance is nothing but twisted branches on a tree. Don’t waste any more thoughts, words, or actions. Be the love that is necessary to heal yourself and the world. Be alive, let your heart be inflamed with love.

Off the ground again...

Its 5 am and I am preparing for my flight to Germany. How exciting. I am very grateful for my experiences this year and for all of the discovering of the earth I have done. Not too much else makes me feel so alive. My beautiful younger sister is here with me and its like a dream come true to be abroad with her, she is my best friend. I love listening to her tell stories and am captivated by her beauty and gentle spirit.

Time to finish packing and then make the great journey into Heathrow airport, and the nearest coffee shop I can find:)

London

I sit here on a cold and damp morning in London sniffling and sneezing from the chill that has infiltrated my bones, I underestimated how the change in climate was going affect me.

Leaving Lusaka was like giving away my favorite book. I loved getting lost in the pages, getting inspired by the characters, and feeling something that I could never quite put into words.

I could have easily re-read and clung tightly to my favorite book. But I would not have been honoring the time I spent there and the lessons I learned. I did not need to cry for Zambia because Zambia was coming with me. I had a beautiful moment in the country but there are moments just beginning, filled with infinitely sparkling life bursting to be lived.

I miss the warmth of Zambia two fold;

1. I went into a small shop and put the warmest hat, scarf, and gloves on I could find. Walked up to the counter and said I'll take them all. The cashier laughed and cut all the tags off for me because I was too cold.
2. No body talks to each other. I will be sitting on the tube, or on the bus and I look around with such sadness because no one cares about anyone else.

And why do people want to look exactly like a person in a fashion magazine!? I look out onto a sea of lost souls wearing cloths they probably couldn't afford and don't like to mask their insecurities, I don't like it and I don't understand it.

The air is cold here in London but compassion is frozen in the hearts of the people!

Ok, now that I have said all that, this city is TEAMING with life. The energy is wonderful and exciting, the architecture stands proud to remind us of history and change. The accents of people from all over the world make one giddy with curiosity and novelty. Millions of cafes, restaurants, pubs, shops, boutiques, You name it! Its here, but it won't be cheap!! I already see stories in my head, dancing around waiting to be chosen and committed to paper and pen.

Chapters ending and beginning continuously, everything is revealed in the final chapter. Relax and enjoy yourself, its later than you think.

Travelin' on

I leave Zambia in a few hours. It has been a brilliant time in my life, one which I will cherish for the rest of my life. Thank you all for traveling with me. I could not have done it without all of the warm wishes and support. I hope to see you all in the near future, and I will be continuing my blog so please come along for the next adventure: I have been accepted into the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine; MSc in the control of infectious diseases. Stay tuned for Emily's London!


Believe in everything you are. Be leashed only to the wind...Give love freely,

Thank you.

free love

The sun warms my flesh as I walk down the path then hides behind the cloud to offer shade,
A small child dances past me singing quiet praise to her lord.
All of the good afternoon Madames blend into one song of compassion
and the faces of strangers mirror inquisitive glances to what is foreign but welcome.
My feet float above the ground,
I am satisfied with the chapter I have written and will take my memories into the next chapter...
I speak without words and hear without sounds.
My heart feels light and I'll be traveling on.
Free Love is where I'm going.

12 days

The last 6 months have been wonderful and in the last days of my time in Zambia I find myself weepy for the beautiful growth and experiences I have been absorbed into. I look back to my departure from Canada and I can still feel the nervous excitement for what lay ahead of me; the great unknown. I was afraid and seriously doubted my capability to complete the mission before me. I worried about my family, my boyfriend, myself! What if something happened to my family, what if my boyfriend couldn’t commit to a long distance relationship, what if I was assaulted or too homesick to stay in Zambia? I had very real fears and self doubts that would overpower my excitement and joy for traveling to Africa and working on the ground in a third world country. I look back now and I am grateful for all of my fears but I am more grateful for my faith in myself to carry on with this internship. Our fears do not have to stop us if we see them for what they are; do not judge yourself for being scared of anything, let those emotions work as a catalyst for stepping outside yourself and moving ever forward on your journey through life.

I believe that the most unbearable emotions in life are our very best teachers. Sometimes they lay so heavy on our chest that breathing becomes difficult, but we learn to breathe through those times, we find the centre of the flowing emotions and we rest there, not allowing the currents of anger, doubt, fear, or loneliness to sweep you away. Each sensation is just another temperature of water, remind yourself of this every time you feel lost or at the bottom of the pit, what we feel is just another form of something else we’ve felt, find the centre. Breathe.

The lovely people I have met, the wondrous sights I have seen. The intensity of life I have tasted! When I created this blog site in September I titled it Emily’s Africa, but now I see the title should read Africa’s Emily; I have been embraced and nourished by this time. I have blended with life and no longer feel anxiety to be anything but at peace, I have been absorbed into the essence of this wonderful country and I will forever be changed and inspired by life.

Sit as long as you need on the banks of your river. But in my experiences, jumping in is much more fun. Be embraced by this time; hear the symphonies of life serenading you in each moment, and fear nothing else but a life unlived.

I know the reason I feel so blessed, my heart still splashes inside my chest.