Holiday Cheer

Surrounded by music and light from candles that have been passed around to illuminate this perfect night. The spirit of Christmas is certainly present here, I can feel the joy of love. Its the silence and stillness within the hustle and bustle of life that renews my soul time and time again. What magic this moment brings to me. The candle I hold spilling light on to this page as if knowing these words want to be written. Sublime life, sharing of light. Feeding the flame and burning brightly in this night. Effortlessly existing. The beautiful choir singing songs that bring smiles and movement to everyone. The stars in the sky reflected in the candles as the light bounces from happy face to happy face. To be experiencing harmony this holiday season is the best gift I have ever received. This is what Christmas time is about; peace, kindness and love for our families and friends. I send all of this majesty to you.

the seer is the sweeper

Yesterday I spent my day walking through the townships of Kitwe; the second largest city in Zambia. The townships are unplanned settlements comprising of grass thatched roofed huts and clay shacks. Children run around and it seems no adults are around to care for them. Pit latrines 3 ft from drinking water sources, garbage and sewage litter the dirt paths that define the community. The people must have been chosen to endure because I am not sure that I could survive the way they do. As I walked through the townships it was completely surreal for me. I was seeing everything as another person other than Emily because I have never imagined anything like it before. It was a bizarre sense of other worldliness because I was never sure if I was seeing the past, present or future. Perhaps that it is difficult to comprehend, but when you see people existing with nothing you wonder what world you are in.

To paint a picture for you-imagine huts in the midst of trees, holes in the ground for toilets, children running around naked, no infrastructure, chickens running around randomly, small markets selling whatever can be sold, dirty bodies, a smell of rubbish in the air, sweat dripping, women drawing water from wells and carrying it back to their homes on their head; Survival. My friends, there exists suffering in this world, there exists true lack, I came face to face with extreme poverty beyond my wildest dreams, and it set me free.

When I was in this midst of these beautiful faces that live everyday without demanding why they have been dealt this hand I saw my own ignorance and was transcended to a place of nothingness, where I was shown that life exists in moments and what matters is what you chose to do with those precious moments.

Yesterday I saw people laughing, playing soccer, children following me around out of sheer curiosity, small markets selling tomatoes and fish; people making the most of what they have, not sitting around wondering why, not feeling depressed. Life happens whether we like it or not, whether we are where we want to be or not. It goes on, and to embrace time is something Africa is showing me in a huge way.

Without me even noticing I was released from thought and delivered into a state of expansive space of nothing and there I find everything; Simplicity, humor, compassion and tranquility.

If not for yourself then for the millions of people without in this world, create the place you wish to be in if you have the ability to do so, and I believe we all have that ability. I believe that each and everyday should be used as a blank canvas for creating something good. We are never unable until we tell ourselves we are. There are no limitations except the ones we self-impose.

The delicious flavor of freedom pervades my senses. Allow it to find yours.

For Us

1.A Coursing River
2.Turbidity
3.Abject poverty, abject wealth
4.No distractions from truth
5.Clarity

I would like to think of myself as a coursing river; flowing from the infinite all the while making my way back to the infinite. Perhaps being temporarily removed from a developing country and implanted into a developing one I am able to see two different ways in which I saw and now see the world. There are so many distractions to occupy ones time with when we all we know is the desire to accumulate. As North Americans we want so much, 2.5 children, a house, cottage, 2 cars and a garage, manicured lawns, and lots of money. With all of these distractions we lose something, and our lives become turbid and we fail to see the truth of who we are and why we are here.

In Zambia, at any one time I am within miles unless in communities who have n-o-t-h-i-n-g they have quite literally no things. They have the cloths on their backs and the shoes on their feet-if-they are wearing any. I see great wealth here as well, Mercedes bends, SUVs, million dollar mansions, designer boutiques. I float around somewhere between trying to absorb this world of stark contrast, and I see the existence of extremes everyday. There are no distractions here. Life is so simple. You live each day. Plans are not made because you can never predict what next week will bring. I feel no need to want anything. I only want this freedom to persist for the rest of my life. Freedom from the desire to accumulate anything but love.

For Us I wish the shedding of the skins of material desires revealing the simplicity and splendor of being. In our experiencing life I wish us to flow with little resistance and great joy as we make our way home.

Limping in Lusaka

I am off work for a week due to Cellulitis which is an inflammation of the connective tissue underlying the skin, that can be caused by a bacterial infection. In my situation it has developed in my foot because of a series of blisters from all of the walking in the heat. I noticed my foot swelling and was unable to walk yesterday so I went to the clinic and began an antibiotic iv, oral antibiotics and pain killers. I have to go to the clinic twice a day for the next week for the iv. It has been slightly unnerving for me, being so far from home and Canadian medical facilities, but everything seems to be under control and I am being well cared for. When the doctor was setting up my first iv he thought it was quite lucky for me to be experiencing a tropical infection in Africa. He figures not all my friends will get to have to same situation. His perspective made me laugh, But when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. You can always find a silver lining if you are open to observing your habits and reactions to life's adversities. Despite my limp, sore arm and pain killer induced daze I am great and have an entire week to read, write, and recuperate.

Good Luck finding the silver linings in your rain clouds.

Roots of Love

“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another.” -Thomas Merton

The super market I shop at has a lovely entrance with great palm trees in front of it. I was admiring the greenery last week and a guard explained that in the construction of the market the roots of the trees were very deep and large, instead of uprooting the family of palms they built around them and over the roots. Although the trees appear to be separate and individual at first glance, just below my feet their roots are intertwined and are one.

When we honor our roots, and allow ourselves to be loved and supported we are able to stand tall and walk along our path.

We are all connected by love.

Without my beautiful family and friends I would have blown away by the first wind that blew through my branches. I am able to feel the winds of change and confusion while maintaining my connection to the earth and with the love that connects me to my family, even though we are an ocean apart. So this entry is one of thanks, and appreciation for my roots, and my deep honor for the people in my life. Thank you all for sustaining me and helping me to walk upright and strong. We are all connected and should draw upon that strength whenever we feel the winds challenging us.

Today let us see beyond the superficial boundries that define us as individuals and recognize our roots of love.

the eyes of innocence

Why are we conditioned to be unsatisfied with everything in life? Especially ourselves? We create the most elaborate stories to perpetuate the myth of someone who we are not because sometimes it is easier not to know, to close your eyes and to walk away. But for how long can we fuel the fire of illusion before the Earth opens up and swallows us whole?

Allow me to explain myself.

Exhausted hospital beds supporting small sick bodies. Four month old lungs ridden with tuberculosis and pneumonia. Bones coverd in skin. Quite mothers fanning their children; keeping the flies away and fever down. Innocent eyes. Oxygen tubes taped haphazerdly to tiny faces and wrists. Barren hospital walls and empty shelves, no supplies. Innocent eyes with such saddness behind them. Children who have been raped. Babies posiend by mothers breastmilk. The smell of death lingering. Heat and coakroaches. Blood thats kills. Positive and negative. Faith. Acceptance. Survival. Struggle. Seconds. Children alone in a hospital lying listlessly, waiting. Holding babies who were born without a chance of growing.

I do not want to fill up my head with nonsense anymore. No more insincerity please. There is absoultly no time for small harbours when the ocean awaits.

forces of nature

I have felt the rains down in Africa. Thank you Toto's Africa!

Wild and electrifying storms of intensity that stop you in your mental tracks because any other thoughts are put on pause for one to be captivated by the driving force of nature. Rainy season has arrived, and with great furry does it unleash the heavens to the earth. The thunder is gigantic, the lightening illuminates the sky and the rain infiltrates the fabric of air. The rain is preempted by the darkening of the clouds and a chill in the air, and then BANG the thunder, the wind, the hail!! Its incredible, and all you can do is wait for the heavy rain to stop so you can carry on with your business. After the storm the clouds break and the sun shines hot again, so you better walk quickly before the next apocalyptic rain storm comes. It is so exhilarating, but I am told after a month of this the novelty will wear off and having wrinkly water logged feet will become a real bother. Until then I am relishing in nature and know the meaning of a proper rain storm!


Let us be Bright and Loud like the lightening and thunder in the skies:)

too late?

Hello my friends.

If the only thing I can tell you today is this, I believe it will be sufficient for you to comprehend how amazing it is to be experiencing this Zambian culture.

Life is short, life is cheap. Enjoy it.

Say hello to everyone you meet because you may never see them again.

Embrace every emotion, no matter how high, or low, or just mediocre you perceive it to be. It is real, and if you are reading these words, or hearing rain falling on your roof, or ignoring the absolute annoyance of a co-worker then you are here.

You are alive. What else is there? Who knows where you will be in 2 days, 2 months, or 2 years.

I see street children, and they gaze into my soul and immediately access a part of my being that I never knew existed. They are hungry, dirty, homeless, and I am sure other adjectives apply that I just do not want to include here now. They stop time with those eyes of desperation. What am I to do? Give them a couple of dollars? To you that sounds reasonable, but for the majority of people living in Zambia an estimated 70% of the population live on less than 1 Canadian dollar a day. A few dollars is a horrible lottery that I can not consciously give to anyone because what will they do when that money runs out? Where will they go, what will they eat? Will they eat?

And then I leave, I walk away from these situations daily feeling absolutely helpless in the grand scheme of life; I wish to give everyone the cloths off my back and every cent to name. It would all be in vain, these problems are not a temporary fix.

So I sit and I think, and try to comprehend.

We must be all that we can be.

Nothing more.

Happy Independence Day!

Today is Independence day, Zambia became an independant country in 1964. Originally colonized by Britain, there is very little residual from that time other than the driving on the left side of the road, and very polite people who always address me as Madame even though I am a 22 year old kid from Canada, but hey, I'll take it.

On my way to the Internet cafe this morning, I passed thousands of people on their way to festivals and celebrations to mark the Independence of the country. My roommate and I were the only white people in sight, and we received many inquisitive faces looking at us as we moved through the crowd. The children often run up and say Hello Musungas (white person) and run off giggling to their friends. It is very fun and endearing.

I think everyone in the city is out celebrating this day. There is live music that gives me goosebumps, the singers are incredible and vibrant. There is drumming that would alter the beat of your heart. The dancers move in ways that have me convinced they have extra vertebra which would explain their ability to shake their hips at the speed of light. The rhythm exists inside their bodies.

There are circ-du-soleil groups all around arousing oooo's and awww's from the audience. The groups consist of older men to young tiny children, they have their faces painted and wear bright pieces of clothing. They look like fireworks when they throw themselves into incredible postures and formations.

Beside the cafe I am at, there is a man juggling with fire, and I kid you not he spit fire 10 ft in the air. All of the children have their faces painted bright yellow,green, and red, they look like little warriors ready for battle. The colors contrasted with their black skin is gorgeous.

The hot sun is hanging in the cloudless sky laughing at all of the festivities and continues to bath us in heat.

There are no worries on a day like today.

for your information..

nchima is the staple food in Zambia. pronounced shee-ma. it is a maize meal that is boiled for about 20 minutes, and becomes a sticky mass that resemble mashed potatoes expect that it is more cohesive. you roll it into little balls, flatten them and pick up other food with it. you eat your meals with your hands here. with nchima you would usually have a type of green that is called Rape, it is similar to pumpkin leaves. they are heated and served with tomatoes and onion. eggs are also scrambled and served with tomatoes and onion, meat is usually served in a stew. there are many vegetable gardens, there are mango, papaya, lemon, lime, pomegranate trees everywhere!! the fruit is beautiful. meat is very cheap here, and chicken is served everywhere, usually very spicy. there are stands all over the city selling fruits, veggies, and wild stock. i have never seen avocados as big as they are here, perhaps the size of turnips! so delicious. i feel saddened for the conditions the animals are kept in, but it is simply the way it is here and is acceptable. the local beer is called Mosi, and costs about $2 a bottle! hence why most people come down with Brown-Bottle malaria every Saturday morning. (of course i am not speaking from personal experience...)

eating is different here because you eat with purpose, if you are lucky of course. there are many people who can't afford to feed themselves and that has already shifted the way i think about eating. at home i feel people eat all the time, with no purpose, perhaps boredom, or abundance and accessibility. i hope to keep that awareness of eating consciously, and gratefully.

well on that note, its lunch time! bon appetite!

Know Thyself...

there was a great forest fire, and after many arduous hours of fighting in the woods two fireman emerge and collapse by a river. one has a filthy face of ash and sweat and blood, while the other mans face is clean and untouched by the heat.

who washes their face first?

the man with the clean face washes in the river immediately. he sees his comrades face covered with dirt and believes his own to be equally unclean.

the man with the dirty face, looking at his friend believes his face to be clean, and does not rush to wash his body in the river.

Never let someone else, or something else, define you or your capabilites.

sunny saturday afternoon

I moved into my apartment Thursday past and its nice to have finally unpacked after 2 weeks of hostel. yesterday my roommate and I were having a picnic in our living room- (we have no furniture, fridge, or stove) and we were having a very serious discussion regarding the unbalanced world we live in, and how expansive the problems are. We spoke like this for sometime, and then we looked at each other because we finally realized that there was music and laughter outside,
we look out and there, in our backyard, was a full blown dance party. the music was booming, there were people dancing and singing and laughing, kids were running around playing...it was a magnificent sight. And there we were feeling so sorry for these people who are living in poverty, but in that instant it was clear that I was witnessing the essence of joy as the people danced and laughed and enjoyed their Saturday afternoon. It doesn't take much to be happy, not another hand bag, or dress, or attention from a certain someone, It is inside you, it is in the air you breathe, and it is available to you at every instant. wake up.

and don't go back to sleep.

the swiss invented the watch...

but africa owns time...

id like to conduct research and find out if there is a scientific phenomena where time flows much faster here. i enjoy flowing through my days and nights and not counting down hours and minutes to rush off to my next appointment if you will.

i feel blessed to be meeting all sorts of radical people over the last couple weeks. a different breed of people travel Africa. those looking for a challenge and adventure. that is a common thread running through the spirits of all the friends i am encountering... out to explore the world, visit villages that have maintained a purity away from our western developed world. see wild animals roam in their natural habitat...find a perspective that allows them to make sense of their worlds...they seem aware to me.

this timelessness i speak of helps me remain in a state of peace because i am sipping on the breath of my life instead of gasping for air.

try it.

it was the night before...

i leave for my 6 month internship tomorrow night...i have yet to finish packing, and i am remaining unusually calm, eye of the storm?

anyways, i am feeling present, my kitty seems unnerved, i believe he knows i am leaving for a little while. everything is quiet, i hear the trees whispering outside of my window with the gentle breeze. i am going on a journey and it all starts....

now.

wish me luck.

3 sleeps...

I leave for Zambia Monday night...I feel neutral about everything. Not exactly nervous or excited, but accepting of everything. Perhaps ready is not the operative word because I have never participated in anything like this before, but as an individual I am calm and open to the vast ocean of experiences I will be emerged in. That I am ready for...sink or swim...I'm ready to jump in.

BISMILLAH

Its a habit of yours to walk slowly.
You hold a grudge for years.
With such heaviness, how can you be modest?
With such attachments, do you except to arrive anywhere?

Be wide as the air to learn a secret.
Right now you're equal portions of clay
and water, thick mud.

Abraham learned how the sun and the moon and the stars all set.
He said, No longer will I try to assign partners for God.

You are so weak. Give up to grace.
The ocean takes care of each wave
till it gets to shore.
You need more help then you know.
You're trying to live your life in open scaffolding.
Say Bismillah, In the name of God,
as the priest does with a knife when he offers an animal.

Bismillah your old self
to find your real name.