A dream

I cannot breath

the wave came quick

over me it flows

words lost in current

pushing me deeper

into the deep

I am an echo

of time

lost in the pounding

of waves

against the shore

over and over

until the struggle ends

I exist as someone

who feels too much

who loves too much

who has waited too long.

I do not fight surrender

I welcome peace

I say goodbye

you never said hello.

last night...

I was running down a path in the early twilight hours of dawn as the night slowly relinquishes its hold over the sky. Through the trees on either side of me I was able to see the glimmering of the water as it reflected the light from the moon. I reached a small clearing and turned knowingly to face the moon that was traveling downwards to rest below the horizon. As I extended my hands to the heavens I inhaled the energy of the night and turned again to face the sun which was climbing skywards in conjunction with the descent of her secret lover, moon. The sun erupted into pinks yellows oranges, soft hues of blue and green lit up the sky like a great display of beauty and possibilities. As my hands waved above me I moved trance like in time to the bursts of color splashed upon the canvas of infinity. I was conducting the light show, I was filled with wonder, and I was love manifested into two eyes to witness the glory of existence.

being here

what do we value more than spending time with someone? spending time alone? spending time in your thoughts? thinking about money? thinking about all of the areas lacking in your life? thinking about how you can become a happier person if, if, if...

we must be fully present, we must, with discipline listen to people when they talk, even if its nonsence, listen to sounds surrounding you...be where you are!

time is a matter of perspective, and location...there is no absolute time saying that you must perform such and such task at this age...so why ...are we still so ridgitly attached to a model of linear time?

a wise man once told me that sometimes you have to zig zag to get to where your going, but of course! just like a hurricane moves as a 3 dimensional body gaining and losing energy...we too occupy three diminsons and move from high pressure to low...hot waters and cold...that is our fun to have.

a day like today

I woke up and a soft pink hue was the first thing I took in. the pink sarong i bought in zanzibar is draped across my window creating the illusion of simple beach life...i am warmed by my feather duvet, the first and last thing I ever ordered from sears catalog...i stretch my body up and my day happily begins...a fresh morning full of sunshine, full of possibilities. I walk up stairs and my poor old dog peed on the floor again, although in better location than his usual on the hard wood floors, so i took it as a bit of a bonus...precious morning isn't ruined, so i made some coffee, had breakfast, and begun my work...at the kitchen table. best work ever. anyways, finished up with work by noon and took my beeeeutiful sister to the university to show her around. it was very special showing her where her classes would be...short cuts...the library...the coffee shop, etcetc. what a blessing it is to have a younger sister who i am so proud of. after we sorted her out we had a delicious lunch. i spent my afternoon on my bike, around a mountain and along side a lake...under the sun...and on top of the world...it has almost been a year since i left for zambia...and i am so amazed at the passing of time, the rush of adventure...and the sincerity of waking up in my bed, knowing that my family is in the very same house. no matter how insane i can feel at times, there is no place like home. and there is no other island as comforting as ours.

On Being Home

Well after the pilgramge and you met with the high preistess and you have recieved your blessing, and you realize the truth....you want to pack your bags again and make the next move, start the next chapter as if what your life is now means nothing to the perfect idea of your future. How is it I have lost myself in the future already? Two months home and I haven't had the courage to post.

The fear that consumes us is unbelievable, and it paralizing. You are not that fear, move beyond it and be light.

pondering

one week and half to get over my jet lag. i feel like i have been working my way through a forest that was blanketed by thick mist. but i now see the dawn breaking, and my body has found some ground the begin standing firmly on.

i only started thinking about the way my life was there, today. the small things, how i used to stand in the sun and relish in the warmth, the brilliant little faces staring at my white skin. the clear plastic bags that the pita bread came in, the lizards, neighbors, a cold mosi beer.

i recollect the memories like it was a dream, but i still have the strengths that i have awakened in myself so i know it was real. i am now faced with another adventure, although i am in familiar settings with my loved ones, i have a new eyes for seeing my surroundings. i feel very lucky to have traveled for the past 6 1/2 months because i see the passage of time, and i am experiencing brand new things with my family and friends that i would have taken for granted before, i would have been too comfortable or anxious to realize the beauty that has always surrounded me.

i believe we would live our days very differently if we kept that fact in mind. that time is flowing and doesn't stop for anything, we are growing and shifting all of the time, be aware of the dynamic ability for life to happen without you even knowing. but wouldn't you rather know!?

enjoy everything. its all happening around you. you already are the best person you want to be. just see it. now.

On going home

I sit drinking my tea looking out the window taking in another grey and damp morning in London. This morning is not like any other drizzly cool days because today I am going home.

I remember my last blog before I left for Zambia. Giant butterflies rallied inside my body and the multiplying unknown was looming over my head suffocating my peace, waiting for me to jump into the river of change. What a wild ride it has been. There were times I was carried along serenely, at times I was thrown against the jagged rocks, there were times of stagnation and times of tumultuous speed. I felt extreme loneliness, and claustrophobia that is brought on when you are days and oceans apart from everything you call home. Knowing that you are all you have is a very empowering experience. Getting through periods of great heartache is how you learn endurance. Over coming feelings of boredom and finding ways to be happy is the path to contentment.

I have learned patience beyond my wildest dreams, I have witnessed death and poverty beyond my wildest night mares, and I have experienced love far beyond my greatest expectations of the definition of the word.

Life is not easy. There are difficulties all along the way and we should not avoid them or ignore them. As the rock is smoothed by being tossed around by the ocean, we too are refined by the rolling of the waves. Have faith in the process. Have faith in yourself, of course faith falters but the people in your life will help you regain your courage and then you will help others find their strength and sparkle.

I have loved this time of my life. It was a beautiful experience and one full of ups and downs, moving forward and regressing...then center.

We are all moving forward, never forget that. We are the individual threads of the tapestry, hold on to the bigger picture. Fill your life with experience and self awareness, learn about art and biology. Star gaze and dream of adventure. Be open, be present, be lucky!

The end of a spectacular chapter, now on to a greater one...I must get ready now, I've got a plane to catch.