simple thoughts

I am almost always sweating, I haven’t had a proper shower in months, and if the cold water works the hot facet is most definitely broken on my tub. I wash my cloths by hand and am unconvinced I ever really get them clean. My feet are always dirty and usually have at least two or three blisters on them. My hands have perpetual cuts and scratches. My hair has not been cut in over 6 months and I lost my brush the second week I arrived here. I brought a gold nail polish with me from home and it has taken the role as a clever device to hide the constant dirt that appears under my nails. I judge my “clean” cloths on how hot it was the last time I wore them, the hotter the day the less likely its one of my options, and I have never felt more beautiful.

Bugs have become company and I wonder where they are when there are not 30 ants marching along the wall in my kitchen. The rainy season is a terrible nuisance and the roads are a nauseating mess. The shabbiness of the flats and general appearance of most properties is startling. Hearing about a woman’s husband who drinks the little money they have away and looking into her brown watery eyes while sitting in her two room home where 6 people live as the flies swarm around me, and knowing that I’ve never know such hopelessness is, is quite frankly impossible for me to put into words. But I have never witnessed such a meaningful world.

Its so amazing to look at a calendar and know that in the next two months I am going to see my mothers beautiful face, and I will go to the store with my father and go to my home and share dinner with my family. I feel at home here in my humble apartment in Zambia, I have found friends in the strangers I once knew to be my fellow interns. I’ve tasted independence and the rush of stepping outside myself and I really like the taste of it. I am enthralled by all of this. I want to capture every image and conversation because they are so full of honesty. I hope to become that honesty and be the fresh air that I have indulged myself in for others to be embraced by.